


Enough (why are you my clarity?)

by thisisashittyusername



Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: M/M, Well - Freeform, and always, and you are victim to banalities, elliot you are human, from solidarity, i cri many a gay tyrelliot tears, is it about saving the world, is this why you do this, like wanting to never be alone, maybe you were never really alone, nothing is without personal gain tbh, once again, or saving yourself, to finally be part of the circle, to play god and savior to the people, we are in elliots mind, well guess what, what is the revolution about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-28 13:52:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5093159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisashittyusername/pseuds/thisisashittyusername
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Hypothetically) set after Ep 10, when they find each other again and have coffee while discussing evil fsociety plans or something. Elliot spaces out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enough (why are you my clarity?)

**Author's Note:**

> Basically an alternative interpretation of Elliot and why he went on with the revolution in the first place. Turns out it was more about saving him than saving society.

Mr. Robot. Dad, _Edward_ , Darlene, **Alderson** , sister, mother, _Angela_ \- all these names, all these _names_ and he wasn't sure anymore which was real. What _was_ real. If any of it was, at all. Romero. Trenton. Mobley. Gideon. _Ollie._

 

(Was Ollie real? Of course he was, Angela was always talking about him. Always with him, with those touches and hugs and their Instagram and their relationship and _everything else he couldn't be_. But was Angela real? Of course, she was, she was there when it happened, when he _lost his mind_ , but then again, she never did anything. She didn't reach out to society when he finally lost it, and it may have meant she wasn't real enough to do anything for him. Did that warrant her existence- or her _not_ existence?)

 

Was society the basis of reality? Maybe it wasn't, maybe it was, reality was always where the people were, anyways- where society found itself. And he's _crazy_ , he's out of touch with his reality that maybe it meant he was out of society, too. (Or was it the other way around?) Angela never did anything before, and he understands- they were children unaware of society's rules, where the villains always won- but now she's _one of them_ , she's one of them and she's playing the devil's game, by the rules of Satan himself. And here he was, wanting reform, wanting change in the Hell people mistook for a life worth living and somehow it makes _him_ insane. It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense nowadays, did it? Somehow he feels like he's talking- or thinking- just for the sake of doing so. Nothing means anything, nothing had _sense_ , what was everything even about?

 

Change, _change_ \- a change from **what**? Society was too crazy for him (imagine that, _the irony_ ), ever-changing, with people always trying to catch up. What was the point? Everything about society- from its finance to its ruling and invisible hand to everything else that meant trends or hip stuff or a social circle he never really knew how to hack his way into. (It was even unhackable, maybe, it wasn't a program with definite functions and values in a monitor screen, it was something else he didn't understand, it was something below and beyond him and it _terrified_ him how he would never ever be part of that world.)

What was the point? Why did he want to 'save the world'? (Did he even want to?) Save the world by launching a revolution that took more than it gave?

Saving the world meant saving every possible person there, even the pawns of Evil Corp that only meant well for those that they loved. At the end of the day, they were all puppets, anyway, weren't they? (Did saving the world include in the tin a man who would shoot himself dead, on air, _on live television_ , because of a life he worked _so_ hard for and the life he lost in the throes of a revolution that was supposed to _save_ him?)

 

(Elliot, stupid, _stupid_ Elliot. Think. _Think_.)

 

And it crashes down on him.

This wasn't about the revolution, was it? Everything- _everything_ was about personal gain. From hacking Krista and his boyfriend (Lenny, that was his name, the loser, the _scumbag_ ), to _everything else_ \- everything else he couldn't think about now.

 

(What do you want? What do you want? What do you want, what do you want, what doyou wan t what doyouwa ntwhatdoyouwantwhatdoyouwant _whatdoyouwant_ -)

 

 

**Why did you want to save the world if you only wanted to save yourself?**

 

 

(Ah. _There_ it is.)

 

His mind spaces out. An old journey to his memories (or hallucinations- God, what _was_ real?). Motel rooms, sweat down bare flesh...

 

_I'm alone. I'm alone._

 

(Was this what it was all about?)

 

Playing God to the masses, to finally feel like you were one of them?

 

_(I'm alone.)_

 

It wasn't about saving the world, no. It wasn't about saving them from the mentalities of the modern and corporate age, like you always said, dear God, _Elliot, no_ \- you just took them, made them see the world in a new light- a light you can fit yourself into.

 

And wasn't it unfair?

(You never wanted to be alone, right, Elliot?)

 

That's what it was, wasn't it? Give evil a new face and suddenly _you blend into the crowd_. It was the bug in the system, one you so desperately tried to hack- all these years, _Elliot-_

 

(I'm _alone_.)

 

And finally it was here: the new age, born from the digital revolution.

What did we gain? What did we lose?

 

(You never wanted to be alone, _right, Elliot?_ )

 

Always like this- did the end ever justify the means? You don't know, you can't care, _nothing makes sense anymore_ , nothing is real-

You cheated the program, it wasn't played like this, Elliot, you can't cheat the program and _now it's gone_ -

 

 

All those years (repressing your need for attention? Repressing what, Elliot, _your need to feel alive_? To feel human? To feel wanted and needed and craved-), and here you were, _reveling_ in the spotlight of society's gaze.

Yes, you were the hero, you were the savior, _you were God_ , but what of your disciples? (They're following an empty path, you _know_ that, so what makes you think you deserve to be their God for?)

 

(Alderson, you're weak, you're weak, _you're weak_ -)

 

They will feed on anything anyone tells them- _you know that more than anyone_ \- and you exploited their weakness- for what? To be the _Sparkling Diamond_ of the night?

You were always meant to be alone, you sick fuck, you sick, _degenerative fuck_ \- you monster, _no one would want you now_ , you psychopath, you _psychopath_ , you monster-

 

You _deserve_ -

 

 

"I'm alone."

 

He wants to cringe at the sound of his cracking voice. He wants to cry, too, but he couldn't feel anything. His eyes stare blankly, at nothingness. And yet, at  _everything_.

 

 

 

"...What was that?" and Elliot's eyes suddenly dart to the man who spoke. He jumps up in his chair, as if splashed with cold water (of hope? Realization? Newfound purpose?).

 

_Where am I?_

He looks around, gathering his bearings. Coffee shop, unknown location. (How did we get here, episode 9 season 1.) Distinct chatter. People around, and somehow Tyrell is sitting across him. _Tyrell Wellick._ Blue eyes (too bright, too expressional, too _beautiful_ for someone supposedly as evil as him) wide with question and mouth agape as if processing what Elliot just said. (He had a pair of nice lips, and teeth that made his smiles so endearing, _somehow_...) Elliot looks stupid at the moment, for sure, and Tyrell takes a beat more before laughing, like it were the silliest thing he'd heard. _I'm alone._ (It could have been.) "I'm _here_ , aren't I?"

 

(Tyrell Wellick. _That's it._ )

 

"Elliot?" he calls out, concerned, when Elliot says nothing back, and the man is shifting toward him, a hand on his. Somehow the contact doesn't make him jump. Not anymore. _Tyrell Wellick._ Those eyebrows scrunch up in sincere confusion, but when he blinks again he schools his face to neutrality. (Businessman-like and all, but Elliot was too smart- too _extraordinary_ to fall for that impassive face. _Tyrell said so himself._ ) "Are you okay?"

 

(Tyrell Wellick. _Tyrell Wellick_.)

 

fsociety, Allsafe- Angela, society, circles, people (your need to be wanted and needed and _acknowledged_ -)

 

( _Tyrell_ Wellick.)

 

The only constant in a sea of variables.

(He could laugh, because he swears Tyrell had said something similar, if not exactly the same, about him. But the context was so different back then, and now...)

 

 

_'Just me.'_

 

_'Well, now it's you and me.'_

('I told you we'd end up working together, Elliot.')

 

 

 _It makes perfect sense_. The clouds in his mind clears away. This was the answer. This was it.

 

" _Tyrell Wellick_ ," he breathes the name, like its an epiphany. Like it was the answer to everything in his world- and _it may have been_ , at this point. He raises his other hand and watches- with mild interest and extreme exhiliration- as he puts it on Tyrell's.

"Elliot, you worry me," Tyrell says, and his eyes dart from their linked hands to Elliot's face. He says nothing about how Elliot touches him back, or how Elliot seemed to be in a new type of high. They weren't above the occasional physical contact, anyway, and Elliot always seemed to be high. Somehow. "Are you okay?"

 

"...Yeah," he croaks, and for the first time, Elliot feels like its real. " _Yeah_." He squeezes the hand in his. _Tyrell Wellick_. "I've never been better."

 

He doesn't know what it means. For him. For _them._ For fsociety, and the revolution. But it's enough. To know that he was never alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Still (obviously) not over eps1.8. Jesus. You know how Elliot's worst fear (from my understanding), is to be alone? I think it was so FUCKING symbolic how in eps1.8, Tyrell says "Well, now it's you and me," after Elliot says "It's just me." Jesus. These two. Fuck. I've wanted this since Episode 1 fuck. Jesus fuck. Fuuuuck.


End file.
